Christmas 2015

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!!

Now that I've gotten a chance to sit down and process the holidays I feel like a blog post is in order!!

This holiday season has been interesting. I always get semi emotional around the holidays because I see all of the blessings in my life and question whether I am worthy of them or not. 

I was quiet, closed off and a bit stand offish for the start but checked my attitude and resolved to just be ok with what I was presented with and try not to take too many things to heart.

It's hard...

When half of my year was set up to think I was selfish and unworthy, it's hard to feel like I deserve things from people.

But I do, because of what I give back.

I had a great holidays after this realization and will try to carry this attitude forward into 2016. 

It's hard everyday to feel ok with taking things from people. 

As a natural giver, it's hard to just take with nothing to give back or cushion the blow. But that's ok. 

So here I go into my next year. Big heart, big hugs and big dreams.

I hope you had a great holiday season as well and can't wait to see what is next!!

Enough.

It started innocently enough...driving along...listening to Spotify...when a song came on that I hadn't heard in a while with a message that I had never noticed...until now...until it signified something deep in me.

'I don't wanna love you if you don't love me' was the lyric...innocent enough right?

If it's so innocent, why am I crying on the outside and hurting on the inside?

Why am I still trying to love a man who through his actions, behaviour and words showed me again and again that he didn't love me.

Even though he said he did, he couldn't have, not with what he had done or continued to do.

I keep telling myself, I'm not THAT girl, I haven't been rushed to the hospital, I haven't had black eyes or broken bones, but you know what I have had?

A cut on my hip where he jabbed me with my own car keys, three bruises on my stomach and chest where he poked me so hard it left a mark and a overwhelming desire to kill myself so that I could finally get away from his control.

That's what I have had, and that's what I have endured.

Months of control, of fear of telling him plans, of fear of riding in the car with him so he didn't punch my seat or my dash again. Voicemails calling me a bitch and a whore. Threats to myself and the people I love. Enough is enough.

Taste of Edmonton 2015!!

So just over a week ago, I posted on my Facebook page that you could expect a Taste of Edmonton recap coming soon...well in my world, soon is a week lol.

So here it is!

40 tickets for $50.00!! Here we go!

Mac N' Cheese with Maple Bacon from Select

Chocolate Chip Canolli from the Italian Bakery

Beef Bulgogi from Mama Lee's Kitchen

Native Taco from Native Delights

Ninja Turtle Dangle from Canadian Taphouse

Chicken Souvlaki w/ slice of bread from Koutouki It's All Greek To Me

All Beef Meatball Slider from Little Italy Pasta Panini and Catering

Mac and Chees Ball from The Underground Tap and Grill

Cheesecake on a Stick from
The Cheesecake Cafe

The Cheesecake Inside!

Chicken Kara-age from Mikado Restaurant

*Note* I also had a chocolate fondue cup from The Melting Pot but I ate it too fast before I took a picture! It was yummy!

Just Need to Vent

Life is crazy.

Life is hard.

Life is chaotic.

Life is challenging.

Life is stressful.

Life is joyful.

Life is friends.

Life is mistakes.

Life is failure.

Life is dreaming.

Life is laughing.

Life is crying.

Life is existing.

Life is surviving.

Life is dramatic.

Life is simple.

Life is complex.

Life is stagnant.

Life is changing.

Life is dynamic.

Life is everything.

Life is crazy.

A Very Chaotic Life

Happy glorious Saturday!!

How lovely it was to not set an alarm today.

How amazing it feels to still be in my pyjamas.

How awesome it will be to not set an alarm tonight either.

The small things that can make a weekend.

Headaches, not so much, but hopefully that will fade soon.

I think I need to work on that resolution of drinking more water. I said it but I didn't really put it into practice. 

Work is amping up. Report cards, new students and an overwhelming feeling that I'm not good at my job. 

There are moments when I feel great and accomplished and then there are days when I'm wondering what we even did all day.

Short week coming up, gonna revel in it and put all my focus into it. 

Hopefully don't get too drained. 

Get to go to the city for a few days during the week and then Free Fishing weekend because of Family Day here in AB. 

I love that I have this outlet, this online 'journal' where I can vent and reflect on my life. 

And for those of you still reading, thank you to you as well.

Talk later, 

M.